I Feel Like Mush

I like to do my blog posts in order but I had to squeeze this one in.  I still have to blog about my Seattle trip and my Chemo Infusion #5.  I had chemo on Wednesday and let me tell you, it has kicked my ass.  Dr. R. reduced my dosing as my last blood counts had revealed that I was neutropenic.  But  don't have as much cancer as I did before so this is ok.  

When I got home from chemo, I was fine.  Feeling a bit swollen but nothing out of the usual.  It wasn't until the next next, Thursday, when I was running into walls.  It got to a point that I was so fatigued getting up out of bed that I was peeing my pants.  I had to take an increase of my Lasix to get the fluid out of me.  I even had a nice bruise on my knee because I ran into the wall.  I've never experience chemo brain before and it is totally weird.  I'm confused.  I type and the wrong letters appear.  It's actually quite frustrating.  And forget about eating.  I haven't been hungry at all.  I have been eating a little only because I have to but eating is not happening. Either is drinking fluid.  But again, I know I have to flush these toxins out of me but I am trying my best.  Earlier I was able to have some salmon and cake for dinner which was a big accomplishment for me.    Even was able to catch up on my DVR.  But it has been a big task.  I'm in so much pain and oxycodone is not helping. I think it's time I ask my doctor for something stronger.  Molly has been such a good girl laying beside me.  It's very comforting having her next to me.  I've tried smoking a little weed here and there to see if it helps with the nausea but it's not.  I prefer to take the Ativan and just pass out.  I'm hoping that in a couple of days I feel better but this SUCKS!!!  A few times I have debating going into the hospital because I'm just so over the pain and my shallow breathing but I tell myself that I can do this.  

Just wanted to update you all to let you know that cancer sucks.  I know everyone is out enjoying weddings, bbqs, and graduations and that is awesome.  I wish I could be out here living it up too but for now, everyone please have an awesome time for me.  Once I'm feeling better, I'll post my Seattle pics and blog about this last horrid chemo.