Waiting for my nurse to start my IV.
The next morning, I woke up at 6:30am with intense bone pain. It felt like an elephant had sat on me and broke every bone in my body. I got up immediately and took some Tylenol. I'm taking Tylenol for the pain as this is what the nurses suggested. I laid back in bed and just cried. It hurt so bad and I started questioning myself. Why was I putting my body through this? This pain was worse than the pain that chemo made me feel. I finally went back to sleep an hour and a half later. I woke up again at noon time and the pain was still there. I took another dose of Tylenol but this time I decided to take some Ativan as well. I just wanted to stay asleep so I didn't have to feel anything. It was finally around 7pm when I decided to come out to the living room and watch TV. I bundled up with a blanket on the couch. My body was stiff as a board and I was so cold. It was very hard for me to get up and turn the heater on. Then this idea popped into my head. I decided I was going to give medical marijuana a try. Back in February, I had gotten my medical card and supplies. I had tried it once since diagnosis but I wasn't really comfortable doing it since my old school Mexican mom is living with me as my care taker. But now that she is on break and back in WA, I was definitely ready to try it again. And I was in so much pain that I was willing to try anything. I went into the bathroom with my vaporizer and loaded it up. I wasn't sure how many hits I was supposed to take. I went slow. It did make me cough a couple times. I went back to the living room and sat on the couch again. I was amazed at how I was feeling. I was sitting up at this point with the tv on and my Mac in my lap. I felt more relaxed and the pain felt lighter. I think I found my answer to bone pain.
Let me take a minute to explain my views on marijuana. I was never a recreational user. In my 20's, I did experiment socially and had tried it with friends but it never did anything for me. I didn't really care if anyone around me did it but deep down I thought people who smoke marijuana were pothead losers. But then I got sick and I read a lot about the use of medical marijuana by cancer patients in many forums. I was open to the idea but I continued to use codeine and oxycodone for my pain if I ever had it. Just in case, I had my supplies and marijuana stash ready. Then I came to this conclusion. Marijuana is a plant. It is not addictive. You can't overdose on it and it won't kill you. Yes, people smoke it socially to get high. No, it's not a gateway drug to other more dangerous illegal drugs. Does it make me want to take heroin? No. Drinking on the other hand is legal. People do it socially, to relax, to enjoy it, to get drunk...the reasons are endless (as with marijuana). You can overdose on alcohol. It can poison you and can kill you. Worse, you can kill someone else when you drink and drive. I actually gave up drinking a few months ago around the time I started getting symptoms. And believe me, when I was in my early 20's, alcohol made me feel so uninhibited I did things am not proud of. So I'm not sure why marijuana is illegal yet there are worse things out there that are legal. Take my oxycodone for example. It's legal while I have a prescription for it. It's basically synthetic heroin. It is highly addicted and comes with horrible side effects like my favorite, constipation (insert eye roll here). And if I take the whole bottle, it will most likely kill me. Until you have cancer pain, do not judge me on how I choose to alleviate my pain.
