If I Could Stop Time For Just a Moment

I arrived in Seattle on Tuesday, May 22nd, and I leave next Tuesday the 29th. My parents were able to make the trip up here as well as all my siblings (my parents are still married).  There are 9 of us kids.  The oldest sibling is 41 and the youngest is 22, I am in 8th place.  My oldest brother, Carlos, is married with two kids, ages 11 and 8.  My sister Maggie is also married as well as my sister Claudia.  I'm sitting here at Claudia's house listening to my nephews yelling, the TV going on loudly, and my parents and brother laughing at conversation from the dining room table.  My brother is having a beer on the couch and my sister has the remote in her hand.  This is the first time in years that ALL of the siblings have been together.  Tomorrow is Claudia's husbands birthday party and we plan on taking lots of pictures. We'll also have the opportunity to take an updated family portrait.  The last time we took one I think I was about 8 years old.  I'm getting angry as I think about how cancer will take this all away from me, from my family.  I'm angry that I won't get to see my nephews learn how to drive.  I won't see them graduate high school.  I won't be here to in 5 years for these get togethers.  I'll be that missing piece of the puzzle.  The one who broke it.  All I can do is savor these moments.  I hate you cancer for picking me.  I hate you for doing this to my friends and family, especially my fellow warriors and caregivers. I freaking hate you.