I was in Seattle May 22nd-29th visiting my family. The plan was that I was supposed to do chemo #5 on May 15th and then I would take a week to recover then head out on my trip. That didn't go as planned because my blood work on the 14th came back with my immune system being too low so we had to delay chemo by a week. Since I already had my trip planned, my doctor said I could resume chemo when I got back. I figured being off of chemo for 2 weeks would allow my body to feel great as I wouldn't be taking Xeloda (oral chemo pills). I was wrong. The day I arrived in Seattle, I felt my belly getting big. At this point I had been off of chemo for a week and apparently my ascites was acting up. I had the pregnant looking belly going on. You can see pics in a previous blog post, Belly Shots. My doctor told me to take 40 mg of Lasix to try to rid my body of the fluid but I had a hard time taking Lasix because I was traveling and didn't have easy access to a bathroom. When Lasix gets going, I pee every 10 minutes. Can't do that when I'm on a car ride into Canada. I opted to delay taking the pills so my belly just kept getting bigger and I was feeling extremely uncomfortable. It was affecting my eating because I felt like the fluid was crowding my stomach and I couldn't fit much in there.
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| Pike Place |
My first day in Seattle, my sister Maggie took me down to Pike Place. I was so happy when we had falafels for lunch! I only ate half so I got left overs for dinner. We also hit up the Muckleshoot Casino where I got to play on the slots. My brother in law tried teaching me his tricks because he kept winning and I kept losing. I only lost $20 which is ok because I had fun. I stayed at my sister's place that night and I got to meet her new kitten, Charlie. Charlie is a 4 month siamese and she is sooooo adorable. It wasn't until I met Charlie that I realized how much I really do love cats. Charlie got to sleep with me and she tried nibbling my ears all night! She is such an energetic little kitten.
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| Me and Miss Charlie |
Wednesday night we were able to hit up a Sounders game. It was so much fun! There were so many people there and the energy of the crowd was amazing. I was also able to meet up an old friend from high school.
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| Sounders Game |
Next on the list was a short 2 day trip to Canada. I had never been to Canada before even though I grew up in WA and lived in Seattle for a couple years. Getting into Canada was not fun as the border agents were a bit of jerks. But once we got over that hump, we arrived to our hotel in Surrey. One of the things that we were able to do in Canada was go to the Capilano Suspension Bridge. It is a beautiful sight and it's surrounded by so many trees. I of course had been battling nausea all week and it was scaring my stomach when we crossed the bridge. It was so wobbly! There were points where we would be on solid ground but my body felt like the ground was moving. They also built a walkway along a cliff made of glass. It was very cool but scary to think that only those little cables were holding it up.
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| Walk way along the cliff |
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Capilano Suspension Bridge
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We arrived back in Seattle that Saturday and my whole family was finally together. It was the first time in YEARS that my parents and all of their 9 kids were under one roof. My sister who lives with me in the Bay Area made a last minute decision to fly on up. It does seem like I have a big family but it's really not that big, although it was tough finding enough beds for everyone to sleep in. On Sunday my sister threw a bbq birthday party for her husband and everyone was invited. My childhood friend, Muriel, was able to stop by and I was so excited to see her after all these years. There was tons of delicious food and again I was dealing with my belly full of fluid and my appetite and tiny.
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| The Campos Clan |
There were nights when I was in Seattle and I would lay in bed and cry silently. It breaks my heart to know that in 10 years I won't be around for these reunions. But what I do have is right now. And that's why I'm so big on traveling. I want to spend time with my family. And I want them to come visit me. I've been asked before if I would consider moving back and I think that I would. If it came to a point where I'm on state insurance and chemo isn't working for me anymore, maybe I would go back to Seattle. But I'm not sure. Right now my life is here in the Bay Area and my doctors are here. My treatment is here. I'm super happy with how everything is going and I don't want to give that up. I hate thinking about losing my independence. I know my rent is high but I like living alone. And Janet, my friend/niece, stays with me so she helps me out and makes sure that I'm still breathing. I also have the option of moving in with my sister in Fremont but again, I have my treatment on this side of the Bay. I'm just trying to take everything one day at a time and plan things around my chemo. My Seattle trip was so precious to me and I'm glad that I went, even if it meant delaying chemo by a week. I value everyone who takes the time to reach out to me, message me, hang out with me, call and check in on me. I appreciate it so much. But I am sometimes cautious about people's motives. I want people to care for me because they genuinely care about me and not because they think that I'm dying. Don't reach out to me because you want to feel better about yourself that you are friends with a cancer patient. And I've said it before that it does hurt me that certain people have not reached out to me but it's ok and I really don't hold it against them. I was texting someone the other day that I used to be very close to. She apologized to me for not being vocal and not knowing what to say as she was having a hard time believing that I have cancer. It made me think about what my life would be like right now had I not had cancer. Where would I be? I would probably still be that serial dater girl. Cancer has taught me a lot about life and the value of relationships. It's unfortunate that I had to learn that way but I really can't regret anything. I've met so many awesome people throughout my journey. I've connected with other warriors and caregivers. People who know what I'm going through. I just want people to know that it's never too late or awkward to say hello to me. I've connected with my dear childhood friend, Rachel, recently and she has been this awesome support to me. We text on a daily basis and it's not always about cancer, although I can really go to her with how I'm feeling that day and I won't scare her.
I'm hoping that we find a cure for cancer soon. I know that we're working on it. And until then, I will continue to fight this demon head on with all my might. I've learned just how tough I am being able to push through the pain. I might complain here and there but I'm not giving up.
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