The Hair Cut

I wanted to write about losing my hair, as I had no idea how it was going to be and I couldn't find any detailed accounts on how I should approach shaving my hair off.  Here is my story.

My first chemo infusion was on January 30th, 2012 and I knew that the side effects would cause me to lose my hair.  I loved my hair.  I mostly only styled it on the weekends and kept it simple during the week by sporting a pony tail.  This is what I had to say goodbye to.

I was told to expect hair loss about 3 weeks after my first chemo.  And boy were they right.  The weekend before I started chemo, I made an appointment to see my wonderful stylist, Tanya.  I wanted to cut my hair short so I could gradually get used to my hair changing and I also wanted to donate it before the chemo went into my system.  Tanya did an awesome job giving me a cute little cut.

My hair I donated to Locks of Love.

About 2 1/2 weeks after chemo, I had a tingly feeling in my scalp.  I was later told that this sensation is the hair follicle opening and closing.  When I would take a shower, I noticed I was losing a lot of hair.  When I would run my finger through my hair, I notice I was losing more and more strands. 

It was a Thursday when I started pulling on strands of my hair and I noticed they were just falling out.  I knew I wanted to shave my head and I was mentally preparing myself for this.  I knew that time was getting closer.  By Friday night, I pulled on more strands of hair and it just fell out with ease.  I told myself that I would shave it the following week.  I woke up the next day Saturday and I remember being in the bathroom and grabbing a good sized chunk of strands and tugging on them.  My hair just fell out.  My heart dropped and started to race.  OMG.  My hair is falling out.  I immediately texted my friend, Janet, and told her I needed to shave my hair off immediately.  I was really going to do this.  I hadn't prepared myself with any wigs, hats, or scarves, so I grabbed one of the few hats I had.  I made the 20 minute drive down to her and picked her up.  We drove over to Great Clips.  There were men sitting in chairs waiting for their hair cuts.  I walked up to the desk and the lady asked me what service I needed.  I'd like to shave my hair off, I said.  Excuse me? She said.  I need to shave my hair off; I'm undergoing chemo, I replied.  She checked me in and we sat in the chairs.  Within minutes, I was called over to the hair cutting station.  The man asked me what I needed and I told him I'm undergoing chemotherapy as I took a chunk of hair and pulled it off my head.  He suggested I go with a 1 on the clippers.  I agreed as I had no idea what I was doing.  He turned the clippers on and started to work.  I closed my eyes and tears started rolling down my face.  I wasn't crying because I was losing my hair.  I didn't care about that.  I knew it would grow back.  I cried because losing my hair was making my cancer journey more real.  I have cancer.  I'm losing my hair.  I have cancer? Yes, that's my reality.  He snuck some tissues into my hand.  When I was done, I opened my eyes and my hair was gone.  I had a shaved head.  Janet handed me my hat and I put it on.  I've never done this before.  I'll never forget you, the stylist said to me.  It touched my heart.  I went to go pay and he shook my hand.  We headed on out, I dropped Janet off as she had to go to work, and I headed home.  More tears rolled down my face.  

First pic I took after I shaved my head.

That afternoon my brother and his wife and kids arrived from Washington state.  Luckily my sister-in-law had knitted me some little hats and I was totally comfortable wearing those.  I had not been prepared for this.  I went to my closet and found some of my old winter scarfs.  I folded them neatly and they fit my head.  One thing I wasn't prepared for was the stubble that was falling off my head as it rubbed against my hat.  It was falling into my shirt and causing me to itch.  I needed to shave my head closer and I didn't know who to ask.  My dad gave my brothers hair cuts growing up so I could ask him to do it but I didn't want to cry in front of him.  I wasn't ready for ANYONE to see my shaved head but I felt comfortable asking my sister-in-law to do it.  We went into the bathroom and she shaved my head down to a zero.  Much better. 

The following week, I decided to order some wigs.  At first I thought I was just going to do scarves and hats but I realized that I wanted to blend in a little more with the rest of the crowd so I went with wigs, too.  I went to the American Cancer Society website and they linked me to their TLC site that sells hair loss accessories.  I ordered 2 wigs.  One was a keeper, the other one wasn't.  Luckily, I was able to return it for a full refund.  The wigs are synthetic hair and extremely affordable, about $40 each.  

About a week or two after I shaved my hair off, I decided to go even further and shave my hair off with a razor.  I had went into the bathroom and started to work on my head.  I couldn't see the back of my head, so I had my little brother who was visiting, finish the back for me.  It actually felt very cool.  It was weird.  I hadn't been this bald since I was in utero.  If I had to do it all over again, I would have shaved my head down to a zero then finished it off with a razor.  

It took me about a month to finally gather the courage to take a pic of my bald head and share it with my Facebook family.  

I was definitely not ready to go out in public with a bald head, and to this day I'm still not, but I have no problems sharing pics of my bald head or walking around my apartment bald with my friends and family.  I only experienced hair loss on my head.  None of the hair on the rest of my body fell out.  I was happy to keep my brows and lashes.  And just a FYI, my chemo cocktail that caused my hair loss is Epirubicin, Cisplatin, and Xeloda.  My hair started to grow back but I noticed it was very thin and spotty, not growing all over my head.  It looked very fuzzy to me.  So when my sisters came to visit in mid April, I had them help me shave it off one more time.  Today, 3 weeks later, I'm having awesome hair growth.  I'm not sure why chemo causes hair to fall out initially only to grow back during treatment. I can tug on my hair and it is stuck on my head.  I'm going to ask my doctor about his.  And I've decided not to shave it off anymore.  I'm going to let it grow long!

Three weeks worth of hair growth! 

I currently have 6 synthetic hair wigs in rotation. I like being able to take a quick shower, do my make up, and slip on a wig.  I'm ready in no time.  Being bald is really not that bad.  When I'm out in public, no one stares at me.  You can't tell I'm wearing a wig and I've actually gotten compliments on my hair cut. I'm having so much fun with the wigs.  There is a lab tech over at the Kaiser in San Mateo that I like confusing with different hair styles.  We joke around about it.  

I'm trying to gather the courage to debut my bald head.  I'm not ready to walk around the grocery store bald, but I'd like to start off by going to my next chemo appointment (which is this Tuesday, May 15th) without my wig on.  And I'd wear my Wonder Woman shirt.  What do you think???