The Diagnosis

In early November 2011, I started having acid reflux issues. I emailed my internal medicine doctor and asked for a prescription since Pepcid AC wasn't cutting it. He gave me Prilosec and told me to keep him updated if it didn't get better.

By Thanksgiving, the symptoms remained the same. I remember having dinner at my friends parents house and not being able to finish my meal. I had a pain underneath my left rib cage. I also noticed that every morning I woke up with acid reflux and it would make me vomit. I had lost about 8 lbs without even trying. My appetite was different. I couldn't eat as much as I used to and I was getting full quicker. I've always struggled with acid reflux so I made an appointment with my internal medicine doctor since the symptoms weren't going away. Tuesday after Thanksgiving I saw him and he said it sounded like I had an ulcer so he had me go to the lab and the blood tests came back positive for H. Pylori. This is the bacteria that causes stomach ulcers. He gave me a prescription for antibiotics and I continued on Prilosec. The ulcer pain was the worst pain I've ever felt. It took a good 5 days for me to feel better. Also, I wanted to mention that during my doctor visit, I had my doctor feel my abdomen. I had been getting a lot of people telling me at work that I looked pregnant and asking me when was the baby due. I thought I was just overweight and that it was just getting out of control. My doctor felt my abdomen and said it did feel enlarged so he had me take a pregnancy test which came back negative. He told me to see my OBGYN.
This whole time, I had a slight non productive cough (since about mid November) it started getting worse about mid December so I decided to see my doctor again. I was treated for bronchitis (later I found out that this was actually pleural effusion) with cough syrup. This didn't help. I still had the cough. I figured it would go away on it's own eventually.

I made an appointment for the end of December with my OBGYN. I had my annual exam done and asked my doctor to palpitate my abdomen. She felt something, perhaps fibroids, and scheduled me for an ultrasound. I had the ultrasound done 1 week later. Before my appointment, I researched fibroids. I learned about what causes them, how to treat them, everything. I was convinced I had fibroids. I had the ultrasound on January 4th. The ultrasound did detect fluid and a mass but we needed a better picture so I was scheduled for a MRI. They couldn't get me in for an MRI until January 23rd. I figured that it was probably nothing serious. I mean if it was they would have gotten me in sooner. But a few days later, my OBGYN called and told me she had discussed my ultrasound and case to her colleagues and they thought a CT scan would be more appropriate. So they cancelled my MRI and got me in to do a CT scan on January 11th. It was nerve racking waiting for my doctor to call me with the results. I had convinced myself that I had fibroids and that I was going to need surgery. During this time, when I had followed up with my internist about my cough that wasn't going away, I asked him why my belly was so enlarged. I was losing weight at the rate of about 4-5 lbs per week but my belly was huge. He told me I had fluid in it and had prescribed Lasix (a water pill) to help me urinate it out. I asked him what caused it and he said he wasn't sure so he didn't want to speculate. I went home and Googled "fluid in belly" and came up with the term ascites. I learned that ascites is caused by cirrhosis (and in my case my liver was good so I knew it wasn't that) or by cancer. CANCER. That is when I first learned that I could quite possibly have cancer. I started researching gynecological cancers. I started convincing myself that I had ovarian cancer. I was in denial, but I kept researching it. I thought that my mass could be removed, I could do some chemo and I would be cured. I could beat it.

On January 13th, my internist called me to check in with me. He gave me the heads up that they were thinking I had cancer and that it started in my stomach. I was shocked. And I didn't believe him. This was the first I had heard of stomach cancer. I was so focused on ovarian cancer. I had no idea what stomach cancer was. I let it go in one ear and out the other. Later that afternoon, my OBGYN called me to tell me that I had a 21 cm mass (which is the size of a cantaloupe she told me) in my abdomen near my left ovary. I held it together while I was on the phone with her. I just kept thinking HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN??? HOW DID I NOT NOTICE???? I had asked her if they thought it was cancer and she told me that that's what it was looking like. I got off the phone and it was near toward the end of the work day. I couldn't keep it together and I started to cry. I went home early. When I left I called my sister crying telling her the devastating news about how big my mass was and how they were suspecting cancer.

My OBGYN had me meet with a gynecological oncologist on January 18th, who was going to remove the mass. He did a physical exam on me and removed my IUD that I had in place for about 2 1/2 years. He went over my CT scan and showed me the picture of the mass. I remember staring at the screen in disbelief. He told me that he would perform a complete hysterectomy and tentatively scheduled it for January 27th. He showed me that I had cancer in my lymph nodes and that's all I remember hearing. Everything else was a blur. I couldn't believe that he was talking about me and my body. He told me that in my CT scan, there was a suspicious area on my stomach area and wanted me to go in for an endoscopy, which was to be done January 20th. He said it looked like cancer, and if it was, then he wouldn't be able to do the surgery. I didn't understand why. It was all so much information that I didn't ask why. I couldn't sleep that night. My mind was racing. My eyes were glued to Wikipedia, the ACS website, and livestrong.com. I had work to keep my distracted but I couldn't sleep the next night either. My mind kept asking millions of questions and I couldn't keep up.

I went in for the procedure that Friday (the 20th of January). I checked in to the hospital and waited to be called. They put in a bed and hooked me up to an IV. I got wheeled into the procedure room and my doctor introduced herself. She explained what they were going to do. They gave me some meds through my IV that would make me fall asleep. I laid on my side and I passed out. I remember the doctor shaking me a little and I woke up. She told me they were all done. And I'll never forget the words she said to me. It looks like cancer. I nodded my head and closed my eyes. I went back to the recovery room. I was still in denial. A nurse brought me juice and talked to me. I kept it together. On the car ride home, I called my internist. I told him that they said I had cancer in my stomach. I told him I couldn't sleep at night and I needed help. He ordered me a prescription of Ambien. I went to my room when I got home. My mind raced. I sent my sister to the pharmacy to get my prescription. I remember finally breaking down. I cried. I had cancer in my stomach. That's all I knew.

Later that afternoon, the gynecological oncologist called me. The surgery to remove my mass was cancelled. Surgery was no longer an option for me. I remember asking him if they would remove the mass later on and he said he didn't know.

Luckily, one of my old high school friends is a nurse. She has a friend who is a doctor and was actually doing his oncology fellowship in Utah. She passed along my number to him and he called the following day. I bombarded him with questions. He felt that it sounded like I was a stage IV and that chemo was my best option. He flat out told me that surgery was not an option because it would not prolong my life. I had learned that I also had cancer in my bones and as he told me, you can't do surgery to remove the bones. There was no cure. I was grateful to talk to him and it slowed my mind down quite a bit. I mean it just wasn't racing as fast. At this point, I Googled "stomach cancer survival rates" and cancer.org told me that I had a 4% chance of making it to 5 years. I was devastated.

I finally met with my oncologist who will be treating me throughout my journey on January 23rd. She told me that I had Stage 4 Stomach Cancer. It had spread to my lymph nodes, bones, omentum and possible ovaries. I was to start chemotherapy in a week. At this point, I had lost 35 lbs (between Thanksgiving and diagnosis). It was like I had blinked my eyes and the weight was gone.